


To lose my life

by LonelyAngel



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Death, Songfic, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, gun - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-11
Updated: 2017-03-11
Packaged: 2018-10-02 18:38:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10224563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LonelyAngel/pseuds/LonelyAngel
Summary: Josh stared at the shining metal of the gun which reflected the moonlight. Tyler pressed the gun against his temple, then against his jaw, like he couldn't decide where was the best position.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Song:  
> To lose my life - White lies  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GGEjz12YLiM
> 
>  
> 
> Trigger warning. Please stay save

Josh knew Tyler would be in the woods. He knew Tyler loved the woods. He'd do it there.

Josh didn't care about the cold air. He didn't care about the stabbing pain in his lungs. He didn't care about his white sneakers which were now dirty. He didn't care about the branches that hit against his face when he ran through the forest. He didn't care about the darkness, although he stumbled and twisted his ankle. He kept running and shouting his friend's name. A desperate attempt to stop him. He knew he could be too late.

Josh stopped, gasping for breath. He tried to hear something, anything that'd prove Tyler was still alive, but he only heard his own breath and the wind. He would be too late. He knew it.

Josh fell on his knees. He cried and tugged at his hair. He couldn't stop him. He'd have to leave the forest alone, with the certainity that his friend, his life, was dead. Gone.

But there was a small chance left. A chance that he would find him at time. And he couldn't let the chance slip through his fingers. He stood up, breathing heavily. It was his responsability to protect Tyler at all costs. To bring him home safe and alive. Josh knew that.

He started to run again. He knew he was lost, he didn't know where to go, but he had to try.

He shouted his friend's name, the name he said so many times.

Tyler. He cried this name, he shouted, he screamed it. But he got no response.

Josh started to beg. He begged for Tyler's life. He prayed. If he could find him, if he could reach him in time, he'd give everything. He just needed to save Tyler.

He ran out of oxygen, his lungs felt like they were set on fire, but he didn't stop.

What would Tyler look like when Josh found him? Would he be hanging from a tree, face pale and tongue blue? Would he be laying on the leaves, red blood dripping from his wrists? Would he have jumped from a cliff, laying on the floor, skull broken, eyes lifeless?

Josh's heart raced.

He reached Tyler in time.

Tyler was kneeling on the wet dirt. He didn't notice Josh.

Josh stared at the shining metal of the gun which reflected the moonlight. Tyler pressed the gun against his temple, then against his jaw, like he couldn't decide where was the best position.

Josh had said Tyler's name hundret times in the last hour, but now he couldn't speak. Tyler looked up.

"Josh."

He sounded tired.

"You're here."

Josh nodded.

Tyler sighed. "Every single time. I can't kill myself, when you're here. Please, go."

Josh shook his head. "I won't go and you know that."

Tyler smiled sadly. "You'll save me. And then? I will try again. And again. And you'll save me again. And it goes on and on and on…you know I can't fight my demons, I will try to kill them until I succeed."

Josh knew, he couldn't convince Tyler this time. Tyler was tired of this game, the same thing again and again and he was right.

"I'll do it, Josh. You can't stop me. Go, please." Tyler's voice was calm.

"You'll have to force me." Josh said and crossed his arms. He seemed calm on the outside, but his mind was frozen in shock when he saw Tyler and the gun. It was just a trigger between Tyler's life and Tyler's death.

Tyler pointed the gun at Josh.

"Leave. Now. I can't do this any longer."

Josh's hands were shaking when he raised them to show he was no threat.

"Tyler, you can do it, you're strong, you can fight your demons, I know it."

Tyler stared at him. "Leave, or I'll shoot you. It's just you between me and my release."

Josh took a deep breath. He knew, Tyler was desperated.

"Tyler, do you really want to shoot me, your best friend?"

Tyler shook his head. "No…but I want to go and you're holding me back. I beg you, leave. Please, Josh. This game is lost."

Josh closed his eyes. He knew, Tyler would never hurt him. It was just an attempt to make him leave. He had to save Tyler.

"Please, Tyler."

He opened his eyes. Tyler's eyes were shining in the moonlight.

"I don't want to hurt you, Josh. Go."

Josh shook his head. "I won't go. Never. I'll never stop protecting you and you know that."

Tyler looked at him. He sighed and suddenly Josh noticed, how exhausted he looked.

Josh took a step forward. He hold eye contact with Tyler the whole time. Tyler kept kneeling on the floor, the gun pointing at Josh, his hands trembling slightly.

Another step. And another.

Josh was close, so close. He knew Tyler wouldn't hurt him. But he didn't know about the voice in Tyler's head, the voice that controlled Tyler's right index finger.

He heard the shot before he could react.

Tyler stared at him, horrified. Josh felt a sudden pain in his chest. He tasted blood in his mouth.

"Josh!" Tyler catched him, when he fell on his knees.

"Josh! Josh! I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!" Tyler cried. He laid Josh down carefully, the blood painting his hands black in the moonlight. Tyler cried and bent over his friend and his tears fell down on Josh's face.

Josh didn't care. Tyler pressed his hand against Josh's chest to stop the blood, but it kept streaming down his stomach. Josh breathed heavily. The pain made him nearly lose consciousness.

"I'll get help, Josh, you'll be okay, you'll be okay…" Tyler cried and wiped the blood away, but immediatly it appeared again.

Josh knew he'd pass out soon.

He turned his head slowly and saw the gun. It laid on the leaves. Josh understood. He had promised to give everything if he could save Tyler. And he had to lose his life to save Tyler's. To lose his life or to lose his love.

He hoped his soul would soar above the trees and would melt into the sky.

Tyler stroke his cheek softly with blood-covered hands. He was shaken by sobs and the tears that fell on Josh's face were hot and salty.

"You'll be okay." Tyler mumbled.

Josh smiled at him, his view was blurry, he could barely see Tyler's face.

"I have to go, but I'll be okay." he whispered.

"No…" Tyler begged. "Don't go, please, I need you!"

Josh choked on his blood. "Ty…you need to… you need to be…careful…don't let the…demons…win…I…"

His voice faded. Josh looked at the stars. They were close, so close. He knew he could touch them if he'd try.

"Josh! Josh, no, please!" Tyler screamed.

Josh didn't close his eyes. He kept his eyes open when he died so he could see the sky.

He didn't hear the shot of the gun next to him.

 


End file.
